Everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life. But for many vulva owners, that’s often easier said than done. Here’s everything you should know about the orgasm gap, and what we can do to close it.
What is the “orgasm gap”?
The term ‘orgasm gap’ refers to the fact that women have fewer orgasms than men in heterosexual intimate encounters. While this may not seem like groundbreaking new information for many vulva owners, new scientific studies suggest this disparity is even wider than we may have thought. In one such study, 90% of men reported having an orgasm during their last sexual encounter with a partner, but only 65% of women reported the same. 91% of men said they usually or always reached orgasm during partnered sex, compared to only 39% of women.
Why does the orgasm gap exist?
In another study, researchers found that heterosexual women are having significantly fewer orgasms than lesbian women. This suggests that one reason the orgasm gap exists could be the emphasis society places on vaginal penetration during heterosexual partnered sex. It’s assumed that what works for male orgasm should lend itself to female orgasm. In fact, most women cannot reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Clitoral stimulation, a must for most women to have an orgasm, tends to fall under the umbrella of “foreplay,” rather than an integral part of the whole encounter.
Lack of Self-Knowledge
Women are less likely to masturbate as often as men, meaning they are less attuned to what makes them feel good. If women don’t know how to please themselves, it’s easy to understand that many men don’t understand the female orgasm either!
Lack of Communication
Even if women do know what feels good for them, many don’t feel comfortable sharing that information with their partner. They may feel it’s “unladylike” to express sexual preferences, keep their thoughts to themselves, or even fake orgasm to protect their partner’s feelings. But without any valid feedback, men are left in the dark.
How do we close the orgasm gap?
To know yourself is to love yourself! Spend some time getting to know your body and what makes you feel good. Grab some Hydrate Ever After to add a little lubrication to your self-love session, and enjoy! Need some help getting in the mood? Experiment with erotic fiction or even ethical porn.
First things first, let’s stop normalizing fake orgasms. Instead, ask for what you need. Take your pleasure into your own hands (literally!) if touching yourself during sex is something you’re into. Tell your partner what you like and what you don’t like. Most men will welcome the opportunity to better please their partner!
Embrace your right to pleasure, and encourage friends, sisters, daughters and mothers to do the same!
Remember, an orgasm is not the end-all-be-all when it comes to sex. You can still enjoy sex even without reaching climax - but we believe everyone has the right to pleasure, and the more of it, the better.